im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
