I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
