the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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