There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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