my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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