Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
