don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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