I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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