I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
