god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Randomize
