i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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