Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
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