dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
