You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
