I wish I only lived at night.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize