I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
