It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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