All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
