I wish my penis had an off switch
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
