I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
