I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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