Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
i drank out of a bidet.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize