you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
