For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
