So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
