she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
