Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
