I love black thongs
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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