At least make sure they are 18
Why
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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