evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Girls should come with a carfax report
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
