well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
