So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
