does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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