When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
