So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
