90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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