I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
