Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
