I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
