Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
