Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
