I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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