At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
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