my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize