I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
