Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
