I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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