wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
