Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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