Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Randomize
