Just mADE A PArabola og urine
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
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