I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
