I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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