so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
