just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
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