And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I'm going to jail i love you
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
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