We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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