Umm I'm too high to move.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
