I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
