Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I cut my penus on the lid.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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