took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Brb crying the tears of my youth
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
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