at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
