My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
