I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
