it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
