his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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