How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
