Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
