omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
NoShamevember. You game?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize