Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
