btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
