The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I just want to make out with him forever
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
