Tell her she can't have a vagina
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
